67 Thoughts I Had at President Trump’s MAGA Rally in El Paso
While many of the people I know were getting ready to march for truth with Beto O'Rourke, I was getting ready to attend what President Trump anticipated would be a "tremendous crowd" at the El Paso County Coliseum for the "Make America Great Again" rally. This marked the first campaign rally Trump has this year. No matter where you stand on this issue, whether you're for him or against him, I felt it was important that I be there. It was a long and exhausting six hours, but here's how it went down:
1. Wait, ALL of Paisano is closed? I’m gonna have to walk it from Chico’s to the COLISEUM?! Okay, I can do this I’ll just follow the people.
2. I wonder if I should interview people on the way, put my journalism degree to use?
3. *People behind me speaking German and Spanish* Uh, maybe when I get closer to the Coliseum I’ll interview some people.
4. Getting closer to the entrance: All this Trump merchandise- I wonder if they have to be licensed because if this was a concert and it wasn’t licensed they’d be shut down!
5. Is that a guy dressed as a wall? Yes, yes it is. He’s getting interviewed by the news station.
6. Everyone is yelling “MAGA” and “Build the Wall!” and I somehow feel like it is aimed right at me.
7. They know! They know I’m not a supporter of the wall! No, they can’t know- breathe, Joanna. You’re okay, don't freak out!
8. Do I just go to the front of the line? People are going to be so mad. Maybe I’ll ask this officer.
9. Alright, the officer is a listener and asked for a picture with me. Oh, thank god, someone who likes me.
10. Me at the front of the line: “Excuse me, where does press check in?”
Guy at gate: “Do you have your credentials?”
Me: “No, I haven’t checked in”
Guy: Then you can’t come in- move aside please.
11. Me, to another guy at the gate: “Excuse me where does press check in?”
Different guy at gate: “Right through here, come on in.”
Me- resisting yelling “Ha!” in that first guy’s face: “Thank you.”
12. I’m in. OMG I’m in. Now where the hell am I going?
13. I’m gonna have to ask these people checking tickets
14. NO ONE KNOWS WHERE I’M SUPPOSED TO GO!
15. Me, asking police officer: “Where is press check in?”
Officer: “Go towards the food trucks and make a left”
Finally someone knows!
16. Passing the food trucks: are those tacos I smell? I thought y’all didn’t want taco trucks anymore.
17. Finally press check in! But WHERE IS EMILY?!
18. Emily and I are finally in line with our press badge. Now everyone will know we’re the media!
19. They just did a bag search and the police dog found something in someone’s bag! Oh no!
20. Everyone has been cleared and we are now in line to be searched through the detectors.
21. They keep playing the same songs over and over. “Free Bird” “Macho Man” “Eye of the Tiger” “Carry on My Wayward Son” “Wild Horses” “Under Pressure” and “We Are the Champions.”
22. I don’t think Mr. Freddie Mercury and Mr. David Bowie would approve of their music being used here.
23. It’s so weird how the music is like pumping me up.
24. Wait. Did these people just totally pass us up? They’re VIP? So, it’s like a Disney FastPass you can just pass everyone in line?? Donald Trump has his own Fast Pass.
25. We’re in! Media is in the box seats and there’s a big sign that says “Press” EVERYONE KNOWS WE’RE THE MEDIA!
26. I don’t know who these guys are talking- but someone said that Ted Cruz is NOT speaking.
27. Ted Cruz takes the stage- oh, they were wrong.
28. Cruz’s beard is working hard to hide the fact that he’s creepy.
29. First “fake media” comment and the first boos. Great.
30. That was fast. Cruz spoke for like, 10 minutes.
31. They keep replaying the SAME 5 SONGS OVER AND OVER.
32. Every time “Simply the Best” by Tina Turner starts playing I keep thinking it’s Dolly Parton’s “9 to 5” and it’s not.
33. OOOH, they’re selling churros and nachos! I’m hungry.
34. Forget it, the line is hella long.
35. I want a churro.
36. This opera song is hella scary. It sounds like “The Omen.”
37. Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for Donald Trump…
38. Donald Trump, Jr. is giving me Patrick Bateman vibes. And is EVERYONE growing a beard?
39. Yes, yes, we’re the fake news. Another round of boos.
40. Wait, did Trump, Jr. just call teachers losers? Oh, but he said they were socialists? That makes it okay I guess. Cheers from everyone.
41. Ok, if I have to hear “Time Is On My Side” ONE MORE TIME. I'MA LOSE IT!
42. They keep playing “Sympathy for the Devil” and I can’t help but feel like it’s some sort of sign…
43. This opera song is hella dramatic. It sounds like Pavarotti. It is- I Shazamed it.
44. Lady behind us “Fake News! You’re Fake News”- I am not turning around because I am outnumbered here.
45. This opera song sounds like the beginning of horror movies when they show a montage of everything that went wrong and how we’re now living in an apocalypse.
46. Donald Trump is finally out- he walked out to thunderous applause and cheers and to the song “Proud to be an American”
47. Hey, that black guy is back!
48. And there’s the first outburst of the night, they’re escorting them out.
49. Is… is that a chola behind Trump? Great, when they do the recaps of this rally, this Chola is gonna be the representative of El Paso
50. And another protestor escorted out
51. And another protestor escorted out- this is a lot.
52. Trump just said that they were able to fit in 10,000 people into the Coliseum, but that is FAKE NEWS! The Coliseum can hold 6,500 people MAX.
53. OMG a guy just started attacking the cameras and yelling “Fake News!” great. MAGA.
54. At this point I’m not even listening to Trump’s speech- I’m just on the lookout for the next outburst.
55. And there it is. Another protester. Wait a minute, is the guy like, shoving the woman? Am I the only who sees this?
56. Trump “Admit it, there’s no better fun than at a Trump Rally” Yeah, he’s not wrong.
57. All these outbursts and boos and white guys reminds me of Cincinnati Street after 2 A.M.
58. Lisa and have decided to leave- 30 minutes into Trump’s speech. We need to get an Uber maybe we’ll beat the traffic.
59. OMG. There’s MORE people outside watching the speech on a jumbotron!
60. Getting out of here is proving to be hard, it’s dark, it’s cold and the protestors are starting to pile up because Beto’s rally just ended.
61. We can’t find an Uber, we’ll have to walk it Chico’s Tacos to find our ride.
62. Oh, it looks like everyone is going to Chico’s. Great.
63. My phone: “16 minutes of walking has been recorded to your workout.” NICE!
64. DANG! Chico’s is PACKED! So many MAGA hats and so many Beto supporters.
65. They just started playing Selena.
66. Chico’s Tacos- we all have our differences but when it comes to Chico’s we can all live harmoniously.
67. I wonder if they brought Trump Chico’s, or at the very least Whataburger.