(EDITOR'S NOTE: As always, the opinions of Buzz Adams do not reflect the opinions of this radio station, its parent company, anyone else on the show, or anyone else, in fact, ever. Please direct all hate mail directly to buzz@klaq.com)

WalletHub is a personal finance website that recently put out a study ranking the best and worst states to raise a family.

North Dakota came in first. New Mexico came in last.

WalletHub took into account things like quality of schools, jobs, health care and the crime rate.

Well, sure, if those are your criteria, New Mexico's not going to look so great. But what about statistics like "Most Varieties of Green Chile" or "Proximity to Former Nuclear Test Sites?" And, I'm sure North Freakin' Dakota wouldn't have done so well if one of the metrics had been "Likelihood of Losing Toes to Frostbite Because You Went Out to Get the Mail Wearing only TWO Layers of Socks".

Here are some of the reasons New Mexico is a GREAT place to raise a family.

  • You can buy hard liquor at a convenience store. AT A DRIVE-THRU WINDOW!
  • Every town of 2,000 or more people has an Allsup's and their delicious heat-lamp burritos
  • Highest rate of tortillas with Jesus' face on them
  • It's the only state that is actually PROUD of its association with meth.
  • Your kids are more likely to be abducted by aliens. At least they'd be out of New Mexico!
  • You can put up all your Christmas decorations using only a wheelbarrow full of sand and 150 brown paper bags.
  • Any kid who would be called "special needs" in any other state can be called "valedictorian" in NM.