The U.S. Centers for Disease Control says more Americans are crudded up than at any time in reported history -- so, you know ... congratulations?

The rates for chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis are at all-time highs, leading the CDC's top STD official to say:

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Syphilis, especially, is on the rise, with reported cases up by 19%. Called the "great imitator," the syph can often have symptoms similar to other diseases. It can hide in different places in the body and can even get into your brain, causing neurological damage. WHEEEE! Also, women can transfer the disease to their babies, possibly leading to miscarriages.

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Gonorrhea, or "the clap," is next, rising by 12.8%. More gross than dangerous, it, too, can easily be spread from mother to fetus -- which is frickin' horrible. It is reported that descriptions of the disease can be found in the Old Testament, which is also horrible.

Finally, chlamydia is up by 5.9%. This one is another hider -- most people have no symptoms. It's also probably the most prevalent STD in the world, which is one time when you don't wanna do what the cool kids are doing.

The one good thing about all of these diseases? They're all curable with antibiotics and all preventable with safe sex practices. And yet, tons of cases of these disease are going unreported and untreated, according to the CDC.

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So wrap that around your head for a second -- the REPORTED numbers are skyrocketing. What do the UNREPORTED numbers look like?

The people most at risk continue to be young people between 15 and 24 and gay/bisexual men.

And yet, STD programs are getting budget cuts nationwide, which means you kind of need to take matters into your own hands. Yes, that's a double entendre, but it also means that maybe you should use a condom when you pick up that rando out on the town. I mean, hey, it's your junk and all -- but don't come crying to me when it falls out or off.

Get tested, stay protected, and don't count on your partner to be looking out for your best interests.

[h/t CNN]