The UroClub — the Golf Club You Pee Into — Is the Most Worthless Product Ever [VIDEO]
If you are a guy and you've ever played golf, you've peed behind a tree. Tiger Woods has. President Obama has. I'll bet when astronaut Alan Shepard hit a couple of shots on the Moon he also took a moment to whiz into a crater.
Men peeing on a golf course is part of the natural order of things. That's why nobody would ever need this product.
This is the UroClub. If you didn't watch the video, it's a plastic ... sheath? ... made to look like a golf club. You're supposed to pull your wang out and pee into the handle end of it. Also, it retails for $49.95.
They've been selling these things for about a decade now. In some cities they have sports radio hosts doing live endorsements for them.
The problem is, they UroClub is in no way superior to the tried and true method of peeing behind a tree.
The UroClub comes with a towel attachment which you're supposed to spread across your lap while you stand up and, according to the commercial, take a leak right in the middle of the fairway. Like people aren't going to be able to tell what you're doing?
Unless you're an NFL quarterback in the 1960s, nobody wears a towel like that across their pelvic area. He looks exactly like a guy peeing underneath a towel OR like someone taking immoral liberties with a driver. What if the wind blows up? What if he slips out? Aren't people going to know exactly what you're doing once you have to do the post-pee shiver dance?
Meanwhile, peeing behind a tree is simple. You go off a little ways into the woods (this applies to the desert too, West Texas) make sure you're not exposed to a different fairway or a road and let 'er rip. The only thing that might see you is a squirrel and he's probably paying too much attention to his nuts to notice yours.
It DOES NOT Make "The Perfect Gift"
Regardless of what the commercial tells you, giving the UroClub as a gift will only make you appear creepy, clueless or worse.
"Hey, Jim, I heard you like to golf. Here's a fake club for you to pee into."
"Please never speak to me again."
You know what DOES make the perfect gift? Literally anything else, compared to the UroClub.
The commercial promises the UroClub is "easy to clean." I'm guessing you mix some soap and water, pour it down the pee-hole and swish it around some. Then, you find someplace to pour the pee-water-soap-soup and you're all set!
You know what's even easier to clean up than that? Peeing behind a tree. Because you don't clean trees.
UroClub = $49.95
Peeing behind any tree on any golf club in the world = FREE
The commercial also says you can get a second UroClub for only half price. I stand corrected. When I said there was no golf product more useless than the UroClub, I forgot "a SECOND UroClub."
What's the second one for? In case you completely fill the first one? If you've got two people on your gift list you want to never talk to again? Going Number Two in number two?
By the way, if this is the way you and your buddies go pee on a golf course, you need to drop the whole "golfing" pretense, get a motel room and play "Lucky Pierre" or whatever it is you'd really rather be doing with your pals.