It was Brandon's birthday today (which was St. Patrick's Day 2016, future readers who accidentally came here because you Googled "Trump" and "Idiot").

We decided to celebrate with a piñata filled with Brandon's favorite things -- little bottles of liquor, loose joints and those call-girl flyers they hand out as you walk the strip in Vegas. Only we couldn't afford all of those things, so we got Fernie to scrape up some Mexican candies from the floorboards of his car.

Also, it was a Trump piñata because I think, at this point, those are they only piñatas Mexican people are making these days. Trust me, Piñata Trump has a much thicker skin than Real Trump.