Six ‘Rogue One’ Non-Spoilers That Will Change How Some People View ‘Star Wars’
Hi! I'm a 48-year-old man and I just went to see Rogue One: A Star Wars Story! At 10:30 a.m.! On a workday!
There were reports that some Donald Trump supporter were going to boycott the movie because of "anti-Trump messages". No...seriously! There was even a #dumpstarwars movement on Twitter.
To all Trump supporters, I can tell you there was absolutely no anti-Donald bias in Rogue One. Despite rumors you may have seen on Breitbart, NONE of the following things happened.
- The Death Star is NOT made using Mexican labor and Chinese Steel.
- The Emperor DOES NOT remove his cowl to reveal a "Make the Galaxy Great Again" baseball cap.
- Princess Leia most definitely DOESN'T strangle Chris Christie on his pleasure barge.
- The TIE Fighters DO NOT have "Lock Her Up" bumper stickers
- It's NOT true that we meet Plapatine's wife, "Mee-lania".
- Vader DOES NOT reveal that he's also Ann Coulter's father.
So, I assure you, the rumors of Trump-bashing are unfounded. You can rest at ease, comrades.