Times have really changed since I was in high school. Back in those Nancy Reagan, Just-Say-No days of the 1980’s an adult would get in trouble for suggesting that there might be anything GOOD about marijuana. Flash forward to 2018 and a town in Canada is upset that a police officer giving an anti-drug talk to a bunch of kids had the nerve to say something NEGATIVE about pot.

If you can’t watch that video for some reason, a reporter is talking about a cop who was telling kids, especially boys, that smoking marijuana can lower your testosterone level (the research is inconclusive) and that “doobies make boobies” (also, inconclusive). Then, something that would have been unthinkable 30 years ago: parents, teachers and other adults racing to defend the good name of marijuana!!

So, let’s assume that marijuana doesn’t lead to a decrease in testosterone and that, in fact, doobies DO NOT make boobies. Are there any other catchy rhymes that might be anti-pot AND medically sound? Here’s what we came up with. Tell us if these are fair statements.

Weed you judgement may impede

Smoke too many joints lose IQ points

Mary Jane leaves you very drained ( it makes some people just want to chill out and stay on the couch, right?)

Smoke Hemp, you’ll always be a temp (you know…because you won’t be able to pass the drug test to become a full-time employee, right?)

Smoke a roach, you’ll get cut by your coach (this is dependent on how good you actually are at sports)

Sensemilla leads to dementia (you have to pronounce “dementia” differently for it to rhyme)

Use narcotics become psychotics (I saw this once in an old movie called “Reefer Madness”)

Smoke the lettuce get diabetus (again, you’ve got to pronounce it differently. Also, I have no proof that this is true)

Too many tokes, you’ll laugh at really stupid jokes (this is absolutely true)

Smoke the herb, your stuff may end up on the curb

Become a stoner, you won’t get a boner (alright, we’ve circled all the way back around to the testosterone thing. It’s time to stop. Unless you’ve got more!)