We never need an excuse to slap the ol' baloney pony. Name the time and place, and we'll happily be there getting off, for no reason whatsoever. It's one of our favorite pastimes, but unfortunately we have to keep it on the DL most of the time in this twisted, oppressive American society. Over in China, however, they're doing it right.

In observance of World Aid's Day on December 1st, some really horny Chinese dudes took part in a Wankathon to celebrate 'HIV risk-free sexual freedom.' All participants 'wore masks and hid their genitals with orange buckets that would later reveal the fruits of their labor.' Wait, this story just got a little weirder

If you're a straight guy in a masturbation contest, watching other dudes get off in close proximity to you can put a real damper on your libido. Not surprisingly, the Chinese had that problem solved from the get go: Women in barely-there clothing carrying sex dolls stood in front of the contestants so the excitement was kept high, and love sticks were kept hard.

We don't even know if there were prizes -- does it matter? We have 360 days to get a petition going for America's first ever Wankathon. Who's with us?