In the following video, I’m getting botox injections into my damn face. I neither desired nor asked for Botox. I was peer-pressured into getting it.

By my girlfriend.

Let me back up a little bit. A couple weeks ago my GF, [NAME REDACTED] ran into an acquaintance who owns the Drip Drive here in town. It’s the service where, if you’ve had a little too much to drink, nurses will come to where you are and hook you up to IV bag full of “anti-hangover” ingredients. They also do IV drips for energy, de-stressing , athletic performance, etc.

They also, as I was soon to find out, do in-home Botox. “Buzzy”, said my wonderful girlfriend [NAME REDACTED], “ we should get Botox done. As a couple.”

The “as a couple” part will have further significance later in this story.

I did what I normally do when my girlfriend suggests we try something new: I agreed wholeheartedly and immediately put it out of my mind, hoping she would forget about it after a few days. She did not forget. So, fine, I tell her to go ahead and set up the appointment. When Ashley, the Drip Drive owner, got to the house last week, I suggested that [NAME REDACTED] should go first because, A.) I’m a gentleman like that and B.) I thought maybe I could still get out doing it.

My girlfriend had other plans. She suggested (in retrospect, insisted) that I go first. Great.

The injections don’t hurt, per se, any worse than getting a shot in your arm or buttocks. But it’s in your face…which no amount of shots in your butt can prepare you for. Also, for some reason, it activated a sneeze response in me. Jab…sneeze….jab…sneeze. Like that for 20 minutes.

When it was all done, my significant other [NAME REDACTED] informed me that she wasn’t getting it done today. “What??”, I stammered. “But…but…we’re doing it as a couple”.

She make a couple of excuses. I catch her eyes cutting over to Ashley. Ashley suddenly says, “Oh! I didn’t bring enough Botox to do both of you”. I realize Ashely and my GF are COLLUDING against me. I’ve been hoodwinked into getting a strain of botulism injected repeatedly into my face and forehead. I was only doing it because I thought SHE wanted to get it done. It never occurred to me that she actually just wanted ME to have it done. [NAME REDACTED] is younger than I am by several years and looks even younger than that. She tells me the injections have done WONDERS for my face. I can’t tell to be honest. Oh, except that now I can’t frown. Or express surprise. Or trust my girlfriend.